


The Spy, The Cat, and Other Annoyingly Obstinate Things

by The_Q



Series: Interventions of a Cat [1]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Cats, Lots of cat snark, M/M, Obstinacy, Post-Skyfall, super powers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-01
Updated: 2016-05-01
Packaged: 2018-05-30 09:15:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6417733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Q/pseuds/The_Q
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Eager to see me in cuffs Q?  You could always come to my place if you’re interested.”  Bond’s flirtatious side reared it’s ugly head and Q struggled not to think about his insinuation.  </p><p>OR</p><p>Super powers are a thing, a cat adopts Q, and Bond is insistent on flirting with a dark haired boffin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Spy, The Cat, and Other Annoyingly Obstinate Things

Bond, Don’t you _dare_ -”

“Any suggestions on winning a gunfight with a knife?” Came back Bond’s overtly cheerful voice. Q rubbed his temples in exasperation and attempted to reign in his anger. Bond had managed to get himself in what could only be described as deep shit, get shot in the leg, and throw his gun away in under twenty minutes. The most disturbing part of all this was that Bond hadn’t even come close to breaking his record of most disastrous mission.

“You are incorrigible.” Q snapped as he endlessly searched for a possible escape route for Bond. “Getting shot is one thing, but throwing away my equipment? I might just let you come back in a body bag.”

“For you Q, anything.” Bond grunted as he threw his weight into a door to escape gunfire. From what Q could tell, he wasn’t limping terribly, but this was James bloody Bond which meant bullet wounds hardly fazed him.

“My equipment says otherwise Bond.” A wry smile found its way onto Q’s lips, but he immediately scolded it away before anyone else in Q-branch noticed. “There’s a window to your left, if you’re up for jumping out a second story window, there’s no one beneath it.” 

Bond jumped out the window before Q finished speaking. That's about when things got worse.

“Bond! Duck!” Q barely kept himself from shouting in his ear, and Bond fell flat to the floor, narrowly avoiding a punch to the face.

“I thought you said no one was down here?” Bond grunted as he threw a punch of his own. From what Q could see on the cameras, Bond was limping more after jumping out of the window, but the quartermaster didn't have time to worry about the agent's leg.

“Nobody that I could see,” Q corrected, “He must be an augment, be careful when killing him.”

Right on cue, the man Bond was fighting disappeared. Not the regular kind of “he just booked it around a corner” disappeared, but the “he turned absolutely fucking invisible” disappeared.

Q swore loudly while Bond stayed quiet in concentration. And then, faster than Q could blink, it was over, the augment appeared on the ground, his neck snapped, and Bond smirked at a nearby camera, giving the quartermaster a full view of his attractive smile.

“How did you-?”

“I'm an augment as well, remember?” Bond replied smoothly and began jogging away from the building. Q felt his stomach drop, Bond was an augment? He made a mental note to actually read 007’s file for once and began concentrating on the alerts that appeared on his computer screens.

“I wonder what the extradition is like in Vienna.” Q wondered aloud instead of commenting on Bond’s display of inhuman abilities. He could worry about what he did and didn't know of the agent later, right now he had a job to do.

“Eager to see me in cuffs Q? You could always come to my place if you’re interested.” Bond’s flirtatious side reared it’s ugly head and Q struggled not to think about his insinuation. 

“No, I was just going to say you have incoming.” Police sirens flared in the distance and Bond swore under his breath.

“Anytime you feel like getting me out of here Q.” Bond muttered as he ducked into the nearest car. It also happened to be the nicest car, rather typical of Bond.

“I have an extraction team on standby should you need it, but if you manage to escape the police I can have you on a flight home in less than two hours.” Q typed furiously as he set up distractions for the police to give Bond time to slip away unnoticed. Bond’s driving was as silent as it was fast and Q was thankful for the lack of distraction. He could handle Bond’s flirting, but it was difficult to be unaffected by it when he needed his concentration to save the agent’s life.

“Have they noticed my exit?” Bond asked after a tense few minutes.

“No Bond, you’re in the clear.” Q sighed in relief. This job was a terror on his blood pressure. “Your flight home is in an hour. Safe travels 007.” He disconnected his comm link before Bond could reply and rested his forehead on the cool glass table in front of him. No matter how long Q did this, he doubted he would ever be able to remain fully calm during stressful missions like 007’s. Q may have perfected his cool demeanor, but Bond had a tendency to make his mask crack.

“Q, it’s beyond late. You need to go home!” Q flinched at the sound of Moneypenny’s voice floating across Q-branch and he fought the urge to cower under the table.

“Miss Moneypenny-”

“Don’t you Miss Moneypenny me! You haven’t gone home in almost three days now and if you do not pack up and leave right now, so help me Q, I will castrate you and any of your minions stupid enough to get in my way!” Eve marched over to Q and the quartermaster had to employ all of his self restraint to keep from shriveling under her glare.

“Of course Moneypenny.” Q mumbled nervously and scooted around the terrifying woman to grab his things from his office. Moneypenny was a force to be reckoned with and Q expected no less of one of the most powerful women in the world. Normally Q wasn’t fazed by that, except when she turned her attention from toppling governments with paperwork to Q when she thought he wasn’t taking care of himself well enough.

“And you better eat something! God knows you could stand to gain some weight.” She called after him. Q grabbed his things and rushed out of Q-branch before Moneypenny’s mothering got anymore out of control. 

Q stepped into the MI6 lobby only to see the rain pouring outside. Lovely. On top of that, Moneypenny had been understating a bit when she said it was late, which meant that Q couldn’t take the tube. He swore under his breath, something about Eve being a hypocrite as she was still working, and stepped into the rain to find a cab.

It took some time, and Q was thoroughly soaked by the time he slipped into the back of one, but he was grateful that he wasn’t like the eco-friendly blokes in Q-branch that rode their bicycles to work everyday. That would have been torturous in this downpour.

As it was, Q had some time to think. While Q considered thinking to have a great deal of importance, the kind of thinking that happened in the back of a cab during a rainstorm was not something he revered. In fact he feared introspection. Mostly because it meant realizing how often his lonely thoughts turned to mysterious yet sharp blue eyes and the heat that pooled in his stomach when they turned his way. Q could admit that he was incredibly and undeniably gay, but that didn't mean he wanted to compromise his working relationship with 007 by being incredibly and undeniably gay for James Bond. It just wouldn't be ideal.

And then there was the fact that Bond was an augment, something that made sense in hindsight, but also something Q had refused to ponder. Augments were required to be registered with the government for a reason, they were unpredictable and terrifying. All augments were required to wear identifying marks, usually as tattoos on their faces or arm bands over their clothes, but obviously Bond was an exception because he worked at MI6. Q was tempted to pull out his laptop and finally read Bond’s file to discover what his augment was, but he refrained. Looking at important files like that in public spaces was just asking for a breach in security.

Q had the driver let him out at an apartment building two blocks from his own. Even with it pouring, national security was more important than a drowned cardigan, as much as Q hated to admit it. Luckily the walk was short and Q cut through an alley to reach the front of his building.

The quartermaster was stopped by a loud howling sound. For a moment he thought it might be a shrieker, an augment capable of using their vocals so loudly they could burst the eardrums of people standing too close, but the sound wasn't anywhere near loud enough. Whatever it was, it sounded distressed, causing Q to wander closer in curiosity.

“Hello?” He called absent-mindedly. A startled sound answered him, the clanging of trash cans falling over, and a small fuzzy shape fleeing from the shadows, colliding with Q’s chest.

“Oof!” Q gasped out, doubling over from the impact to his gut.

“REOOOWWW!” Came the yowled response and the distinct sound of claws ripping his favorite cardigan.

“Wha-?” Q asked incredulously, immediately grabbing whatever it was that had just ruined his clothing.

It was a cat.

A cat had just scared the shit out of him, ruined his cardigan, and was now clawing at his hand. Q was almost ashamed to call himself the quartermaster of MI6 for how he was almost knocked flat on his ass by the tiny fur ball.

“Shhh.” He hushed the mewling kitten, bringing it back close to his chest and stroking its wet fur. Now that Q was calm enough to think, he realized the cat must have been terrified of the pouring rain and clapping thunder in the distance. “Poor thing, you must be freezing.” He cooed in a very non quartermaster way. Bond would have a field day with this.

Q always loved cats, but could never keep one for many reasons, one of those being his work hours. The cat would starve of both food and affection in his apartment whenever he pulled one of his infamous three day shifts.

However, saving a cat from the rain for one night was something he was very capable of doing and considering his fondness for felines, something he was very willing to do. 

“Come now cat, let's get you out of this wretched weather and feed you.” He murmured softly. The cat immediately stopped struggling and looked up at him with heartwarming eyes. Q didn't think he could find a cuter cat if he tried. It, no _she_ , she was a soft gray cat with long hair and a white underbelly. Her eyes were mismatched, one green and one blue, and Q was enchanted by the damn furball.

He kept the cat close to his chest until he was inside the building, but let the cat down once he was inside. Q wasn't sure if the cat would follow him all the way to his door, but was pleased when she did. In fact, the feline didn't let Q out of her sight, sticking as close to his legs as she could.

“Well you're rather clingy aren't you?” Q laughed and unlocked the door to his apartment. The cat darted past his legs and into Q’s apartment, causing the quartermaster to stumble.

“Wait! Get back here!” He swore lightly, chasing the cat down. 

The second reason Q did not have a cat was because he kept a lot of private projects at home and many of the things he kept around his house were dangerous, potentially life threatening. Having a cat wander aimlessly around his apartment was a recipe for disaster. Q didn't think he was ready to deal with a dead cat, collateral damage be damned.

The cat jumped up on the first thing it saw, the table, which was also already a jenga puzzle of precariously balanced death machines. Anything from a flamethrower to a laser gun could be found there and all of them could kill a curious cat. She stalked across the table, getting a good look at her surroundings, and knocking things over as she went.

“No no no!” Q yelped as he caught several of his projects before they fell to the floor. He balanced them back on the table and grabbed the cat by her scruff before she could cause anymore damage. “Jesus Christ you know how to cause a lot of damage.” the quartermaster muttered. The cat only meowed in response.

“Yes, yes, _fine_.” He let go of the cat’s scruff and let her drop back to the floor. “Just no more breaking things. I'm going to see what I can do about getting food into both our stomachs.”

Q manuvered around his many projects, making a mental note to clean up after he checked Bond’s file, and began searching his kitchen for food. It was a monumental task. Q wasn't exactly known for keeping a well stocked cupboard and it would have been a miracle if he could find anything worth eating.

As it turned out, Q had plenty of frozen food that he suspected Moneypenny of putting into his freezer, but none of it seemed pet friendly. His refrigerator was rather bare except for a carton of eggs, condiments, and some containers that had once been leftovers. Q wasn't so sure those boxes even had food in them anymore.

“Can cats eat eggs?” He asked no one in particular.

“Meow.” Q jumped out of his skin when the cat brushed up against his legs. The cat only blinked up at him with her mismatched eyes before returning to rubbing up against his legs and purring.

“Jesus Christ you scared me Cat!” The boffins took several deep breaths to calm his racing heart. Cat, that was what Q was going to call the damn thing now he supposed, did not respond.

“Well I suppose that is as close to a yes as I'm going to get.” He sighed and pulled the eggs from his refrigerator. “Sunnyside up or scrambled?”

Cat darted out from between his legs and jumped on the kitchen counter. Not a response, but Q figured the cat was just happy to be out of the rain.

“Scrambled it is then, I'm going to change out of my soaked clothing before I start cooking, don't get yourself into any trouble Cat.” Q gave the cat a pointed look before disappearing down the hall to change.

Cat did what cats do best, be a bloody inconvenience. Q returned to the living room in sweats with a towel to dry cat off only to find the place in shambles and all of his projects on the floor.

“Double-0 Cat is what I should call you! You're worse for my tech than Bond!”

Q never did get around to reading Bond’s file, but he ended up locking all his projects into his office before they were irreparably destroyed.

00000

Q woke at an ungodly hour thanks to Cat. A lot of inconvenient things happened thanks to cat, like the destruction of three prototypes, his curtains, and several more of his cardigans. After all of that, Cat fell asleep in the middle of Q’s bed and refused to move, leaving Q to sleep awkwardly on the edge.

“Fuck!” Q gasped as he was throttled into consciousness. Cat had decided the best way to wake her new playmate was to leap onto Q’s chest and meow loudly. “Couldn't let me sleep in just a bit after destroying my apartment, could you?” Cat pawned at Q affectionately.

“Fine, you're too adorable to not give pats to anyways.” The quartermaster sighed and returned the cat’s affection. It may have been a rough few hours, but Cat had still managed to worm herself a place in Q’s heart. “I hope you realize you don't get to stay here while I'm at work. I saw you eyeing my couch last night and I don't need that shredded as well.”

Cat arched her back into Q’s touch and purred softly.

“Okay, get off my chest, up you go. I'm obviously not getting anymore sleep this morning so I might as well start getting ready for work.” Q could have sworn Cat pouted when he stood. Cats couldn't pout though, could they? He shook his head and stepped into his bathroom, it was entirely too early to contemplate the capabilities of cats.


End file.
